FOUND I WAS LOST

I scrabbled up the slope, dusty dirt
the crust crumbled underfoot
got up on top turned around
went way too far couldn't get down
found I was lost on some new horizon
ominous clouds black ink poison
standing on a monument that was my home
some strange landscape where I don't belong
lost in the maze of the formations
passageways down my cerebellum
bands of yellow and red erosion
my spirit is alzheimer's shrunk
can't follow the trails where there are none
in a psychic terrain come undone
my bones bleached in the blazing sun
can't follow the rules when they're all broken
found I was lost in an alien space
much stranger than the badlands place
filled with fossils, drainage, waste
scorched earth, wrinkles, cracks, my face
so I took a look around
tried to figure how to clamber down
from my perilous suicide perch
on the relic of my former self
the narrow ridge was so scary
every way looked so daring
never felt so tried
never felt so alive
finally I had to decide
so I slid back down into life

OBLIVION

here I come—oblivion
out of the unknown and into the beyond
6 billion people and I'm just one
mired in earthly confusion
dreaming of a place in the sun it's always just a step beyond...
another day has come and gone no point in tryng to hold on

here I come—oblivion
out of the obscure and into the forgotten
great expectations come undone
better make your peace and move along
'cause the quest for fame's a siren song a longing gone on too long
a fool's dream if there ever was one what will it matter when you're gone

LIKE A GHOST

like ghost she'll go through me
her vision I glimpse so fleetingly
I see faces I don't want to see
she says "to make you believe"

says she tells the truth yeah she's always the same
but whenever I stare I'm lost in her game
I know it's her even when she's changed
but she won't tell me why she has to be so strange

she knows a place to go
the directions are easy once you know
sometimes I swear that I'm there
but now I wonder where

we're in love it's plain to see
but often we fight quite bitterly
it's a farce she'll admit to me
then she says "let's wait and see"

MY SMALLTOWN

there was plenty of land
but it was awful bland
nothing to do but hang
too pleasant for a man
there was vice
but don't look twice
everything closed at five
was anybody alive

I stood on isolated ground in my smalltown
watched the world go round from my smalltown

was it just me
but you could be free
as long as you'd be
what everybody wanted you to be
you turn their heads
the word spreads
like oil on water
down through every son and daughter
but it could be fun
just depends which side you're on

always in the woods
up to no good
being a firebug
drinking and drugs
do it with a girl
now it's all a strange world
back then it was great
now it seems such a waste

I stood on isolated ground in my smalltown
watched the world go round from my smalltown
I stood on insulated ground in my smalltown
watched the world go round from my smalltown
and I wonder could I have done it any better somewhere else
would it seem much more keen if I'd been somewhere else

probably not!

SPIRALING SLOWLY

pleasantly dreary, boringly nice
I'm slightly weary and slightly enticed
I think once, I think twice
i think a lot but with no insight

because I'm spiraling slowly and I just don't know
meandering lowly into this limbo

buried waist deep in warm sand
I don't sink swim or stand
I should go I know I can
but I just sit here and stare at my hands

because I'm spiraling slowly and I just don't know
meandering lowly into this limbo
everything comes in small doses
nothing's grand, nothing's bold

It's just there and I'm just here
and life's just where I'm ever near
bumbling about like a fly in a room
wandering about with nothing to do
spiraling slowly losing life
spiraling slowly I don't mind
spiraling slowly what have I missed
spiraling slowly I guess I exist

AMBIVALENT

Sun streaks through the window, I'm at home all alone ...ambivalent
Clock ticks and faucet drips in no particular rhythm suits my mind set...ambivalent
I sit and sip my tea, no epiphany,,,I'm ambivalent
Crinkle of the radiator, heat goes on, life goes on, time spent ...ambivalent

Swirling leaves in the autumn, I'm walking to work once again ...ambivalent
Cracks in the sidewalk, a meandering train of thought, watch my step ...I'm ambivalent
It's a moment outside and a moment outside myself, another step and I'm ambivalent
I step inside and feel warm air, people everywhere, I'm somewhere ...ambivalent

A little lucky a little cursed, life could be better life could be worse
And even on this beautiful day aggravation comes my way
I'm searching for that perfect moment, slightly removed not quite content
Ambivalent ...I'm ambivalent

OASIS OF LOVE

every man's an island and no-one needs anyone
that's what I tell myself and then I come undone
over you it seems, babe, I just can't get enough
no matter how I analyze it it always comes out rough

... for me... there's no oasis of love ...of love

haunted by this obsession both day and night
it's not a question of what's wrong or right
feels like I felt this way for all eternity
then when I think it's gone it all comes back to me

I'm haunted by this obsession both night and day
a romantic yearning that carries so much pain
a longing for perfection for what could never be
as long as I cling to it there's no relief for me

there's no oasis of love... it's just another mirage.

BITTER

I'm bitter I'm bitter to the bitter end
got an ugly reflection and hate is my only friend
I'm bitter I'm bitter to the bitter end
the only thing more bitter is this lousy beer in my hand

first I'm in the men's room pissing my life away
facing imminent doom when I get on the stage
then I'm in the spotlight.. I get the bitterest taste
not a soul in sight you know it's such a waste

I'm nowhere but I don't care..
life ain't always gonna be fair...

I killed off happiness, I'm dancing on it's grave
being so depressed never felt so great
I'm leavin' this scummy bar, know what I'll do tonight?
gonna play my old punk records and smash up everything in sight

REX

lurking in the shadows, fur black as coal
you trip over me on your way to the throne
I'm the crying behind you I always find you
now give me a pet

stir crazy feline I'm quick to fright
dangle a string I go berserk with delight
when no ones around I yowl and cry
curl up in a ball in my chair at night

two yellow eyes peering out in silence
waiting to commit unspeakable violence
my masterpieces will go to your head
I'll leave one on your doorstep or maybe your bed

bloodthirsty feline I stalk everything in sight
but come dinnertime you better treat me right
I roll on my back that means it's petting time
you exist for me now isn't that right?

(music by zero)

I LIKE TO WATCH YOU

I like watch you, yeah
I like to watch you move
I like it when you come to me, yeah
do you like what you see?

you get so down about the way you're looking
I don't know why you're such a beautiful thing

I like to touch you, yeah
I like to see your smile
It transforms your being
Into something sublime

It 's been so long since I felt this way
guess I've been looking around the other way
I want make you mine for the rest of my life
I'll treat you so divine now that you're my wife
I'll give you all the respect that you deserve
I'll love with a love that won't ever swerve

I like to hurt you, yeah, sometimes
I like to make you cry
I cut you out of me, yeah
so I can fall in love again
every time that it happens I swear never again
but then it happens I forget myself

feel so bad about the way I act
but that doesn't help much after the fact
I want make you mine for the rest of my life
I'll treat you so divine now that you're my wife
I'll give you all the respect that you deserve
I'll love with a love that won't ever swerve
I want to make you mine because of your beauty
I'll treat you so divine because that's what you need...

if only it could be so easy...so easily done

HOT CUP OF TEA

No pain, no drain, no rain on your face
No arranging or changing or waiting for me
No worry no hurry no neighbors who think
No need for shoes or a hot cup of tea

You passed this way stepped through the door
Now there's no time left to share anymore
You went away stepped through a black wall
I can't understand how you could be no more

It's strange this change, it's perplexing me
You're on the other side but you're here with me
It's upsetting and dark, but it also brings me peace
I'm not afraid of death's finality

Every second I dream every moment I lose
It doesn't matter much whatever I choose
Flying high or waiting to die
It's just time spent in the illusion of life

CENTRAL LANDFILL

from Colt State Park to College Hill
I look west and I see the landfill
on the horizon, a big brown mound
drive up close you'll be astounded
plastic flutters in the trees
fences cordon everything
another day another heap
a football field five yards deep.

everything disposable
now so indispensable.
a thousand deliveries everyday
of things used once then thrown away
finding space for solid pollution
there doesn’t seem to be a solution
discarding trash - we can't avoid it
we might as well learn to enjoy it

Johnston’s Central Landfill
let's build it higher than Jerimoth hill
turn it into a resort
more popular than Newport
with a casino and some fancy bars
free gas mask when you exit your car
come one and all let’s go and tour
the monument to our throwaway culture

FOUND A PLACE

Found a place I wanted to stay
It was impossible so I went away
Changed my life now my heart aches
I won't be whole until I'm back there again

Found the place I wanted to be
I found the space that was perfect for me
I found the dream I needed to believe
I found the reason it couldn't be

Found a girl with a perfect face
She had terrible beauty
She lured me into the flames
I wanted to give her my heart but it was already claimed
So I choked it down and I walked away

Found a place and there I stayed
In the morning I woke it had dissolved away
The trees and buildings were all the same
But something was missing what I couldn't say

BLISSFUL DELUSION

You say that it's all absurd
You say that it's all for naught
You might have the word
but so what?

You say that you've glimpsed the light
and happiness is blissful delusion
Well you could be right
but let's have some fun

You say that you can't but you don't have to try
I just forgot to be sad, I'll never know why
I don't care 'cause I know I'll remember soon enough
Sometimes I can't be happy when I try to have fun
Until I slip into this blissful delusion

Why are you so afraid
of the things that might come your way?
Why not? Trouble never strays
Too far and I'm always game
The uncertainty that I hate is what makes me stay
So while I'm under this sun I still want to have some fun

There's more than you ever could imagine
waiting right around the corner for you
It always seems that way but I know the real truth
You say that it's just a con to keep you going on
When all's said and done I still want to have some fun

ANARCHY OF JOY

there's a revolution in my mind
and I've only just begun the fight
gonna lift myself up, way up high
all my hate and sorrow I'm gonna cast aside

there’s a revolution in my heart
and I’m hoping that its not a false start
don’t know if it’s gonna take me far
all I know is I’ve got to play my part

happiness there's no guarantee
but you'll never get it feeling self pity
poor and destitute there's plenty
it's not time to worry about me

there's a rhythm in the street
and I don’t want to miss it’s beat

an anarchy of joy is all I see
an anarchy of joy for you and me
an anarchy of joy just for free
an anarchy of joy for everybody

DEAD CAT

dead cat in the middle of the road
that's how it looks when love grows old
you don't know whether to sit down and cry
or chuck it off a bridge all on fire

the grass is always greener on the other side
the feeling's always keener when it's a new ride
you found a new girl who breaks your heart
It won't be long before you're ripping her apart

dead cat in the middle of the road
that's how I feel—broken and stone cold
I don't know whether to sit down and cry
or chuck myself from a bridge all on fire

dead cat in the middle of the road
that's how it looks when love grows old
I don't know whether to give it another try
or pack up my belongings and say goodbye

FADE TO GRAY

fade to gray, can't complain
how did I get this way
fade to gray, it's OK
it's nothing but change

fade to gray, in what way?
less narrow more straight
fade to gray, how did I change?
foolish in a different way

there's always that voice inside of you
screaming your greatest tragedy is going to come true
but the moment you're born you're heading for death...
it's pointless to dwell on your very last breath

FIRST YOU"RE YOUNG

First you're young and then you're old
What might have been you'll never know
Chasing dreams, where'd time go
Feels like you pissed it away with nothing to show

You might have made it had you been more bold
A success story forever told
You gained the world and kept your soul
And got the girl just like you hoped

Now the promise of the world's gone cold
Life didn't turn out how you were told
Bitter about what you were sold
But sorry that's the way it goes

You sit and watch as life unfolds
There's only so much you can control
In the end you lose all you try to hold
You've got no choice but to let it go

FEELING STRANGE

feeling strange
everything's changed
I'm strange to the world
but it's still the same

standing out, looking in filled with doubt, feeling sin
walking alone, avoiding eyes apprehensive, hard times
I'm wanting something what I'm not quite sure
I'm lacking something that I can't endure
and this dreadful feeling just won't go away

feeling strange
everyone's changed
familiar faces
have all gone away

HUMOURLESS JOKE

a humorless joke...

you've been touched with black magic
life is drenched in the tragic
sick, sour dreams
sometimes that's how life seems...

I finally got what I wanted
it's no longer what I want
it's not what I thought it would be
sometimes that's how life seems...

sometimes my spirit will soar and I know I've got the right attitude
how quickly that can change, I'm not sure if I choose
it seems so absurd even when you know you're in that mood
but in a world of spontaneous feeling the bad you've just got to live through...

perverse rancid mess
piss bitterness
desperate ridiculous schemes
sometimes that's how life seems

I WANT MORE

there's a certain point where want turns to need
It's hard to separate ambition from greed
people will do anything just to succeed
yeah, it's a world filled with hatred and envy

I want more
that's for sure...
the feeling is raw...
maybe I'm bored...
but I've got more than I need and it doesn't satisfy me

there's a certain point...ambition turns to greed
it takes just too much to be happy
the more you grasp for the less you are free
with little chance if any to succeed

I want more
that's for sure...
the feeling is raw...
maybe I'm bored...
but the less that I need the happier I'll be...

MOST OF THE PAIN

most of the pain
I am to blame
I'm playing with love...
and jealousy!

I'm trying to hold on
to what I don't deserve
it's all so wrong
and I'll never learn

It's just a foolish way I choose to be
I'm paying with tears... those demons won't let me be

It's the kiss you never take
the skin you never touch
the dream you never make
that you need too much

so most of the pain
I am to blame
I've got to walk away
or I'll never stop paying

NO RESTRAINT

be careful where you get your kicks
be careful how you get your fix
be careful what you can't resist
learn to keep it at a distance

all your high minded resolutions
washed away in a sea of dissolution
it'd all be quite amusing
if it wasn't so pathetic

hard to believe that it's the end
you know you're gonna do it again
sin as far as your eyes can see
you're never as good as you wanna be

no restraint
once you start it's too late
no restraint
in control you ain't

PRIVATE WORLD

I'm in my own private world yes I am
it's better than the one I'm living in
got my own private signs pointing the way
I'll never get there just the same

I'm going about my busy working life
hi, how are you, yes, I'm doing fine
but I'm somewhere else in the back of my mind
who says daydreamin' is a waste of time

I hear the songs just like everyone else
but the tune in my head is different
strange, beautiful, and discordant
I don't care what anyone else has to say

my private world is a perfect world
my private world is a perfect life

RESTLESS HEART

restless heart you're never home
out on the town and you never phone
worn out and tired of your lovesick song
please tell me why you do me such wrong

a pretty face is your biggest vice
once smitten you never think twice
don't know why I believe all your lies
faithfully faithless is always your style

always looking for your next big thrill
you won't stop till you've broken my will

you always want to have it your way
one things sure I'm the one who will pay

just one look and I'm all alone...
cruel to be cruel you're made of stone...
restless heart won't you please come home

WHITE WINE WINTER LIGHT

I remember a December not too long ago
everything was closing in there was no where I could go
and the world felt like such an evil place I really had no hope
all the decorations and jubilations were like knives in my soul

I remember that December I never felt so old
everything was brown and bleak in the quiet freezing cold
my life felt gone, sheer exhaustion numbed me to the bone
my spirit collapsed under the weight of unrealized hopes

it's alright its all right in the white wine winter light
short gray days and pale reflections under flat and angular light

it's alright its all right in the white wine winter light
January's here, arrived, forget about Christmas time
snow outside, blinding bright, I feel right snug inside
it's alright, it's alright in the white wine winter light